Jokes About Men...Oh Come on...They're funny


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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, ' OHIO STATE !'

And they say blondes are dumb...


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A couple is lying in bed. The man says,'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world...'

The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...... '.

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'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower..'Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor

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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods.

Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,I'll beat him to death.

AMEN

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Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.


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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy. .

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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?


A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.



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Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?


A: It helps them remember which end to wipe..


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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?


A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'
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While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world......... 

......then He made the earth round. 

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Comments (72)

  1. noreia

    I’ll miss you and the pillow were my favorites, lol.

    February 11, 2014
    1. dreamshadow59

      I really liked those too…Hehehehehehe……..

      February 11, 2014
    2. briton

      Me too

      June 14, 2014
      1. briton

        I also enjoyed probably that I married you for your money.

        June 14, 2014
        1. dreamshadow59

          πŸ₯πŸ”¨πŸ€β˜ΊπŸ€β˜ΊπŸ€β˜Ί
          I LOVEβ™₯ YOUR
          ╔╗╔╦╗╦ ╦ ╦═╗
          β•šβ•—β•‘β•‘β•‘β•‘ β•‘ β• β•£
          β•šβ•β•β•β•β•© ╩╝╩═╝
          πŸ˜„πŸŽ€πŸ˜„πŸŽ€πŸ˜„πŸŽ€

          June 14, 2014
  2. MindLint

    I am shocked and dismayed at the insensitive manner in which these were posted. If I commit suicide because I took all this to heart, it will be on YOUR head. Just because you NAILED it, doesn’t mean your right to post it. Love ya anyway so we will blame my sudden death on Jane who hasn’t recertified her CPR and First Aid.

    February 11, 2014
    1. dreamshadow59

      Hehehehehehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      February 11, 2014
      1. MindLint

        Are you now laughing at the prospect of my demise or Jane’s prospect of 20 years in the Pokey.

        February 11, 2014
        1. dreamshadow59

          20 years in the pokey!!! Hehehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!

          February 11, 2014
  3. cjb321
    Ah…..men…AMEN!! lol

    February 11, 2014
    1. dreamshadow59

      Ya GOTTA laugh right???

      February 11, 2014
      1. cjb321

        Yep!! lol

        February 11, 2014
        1. dreamshadow59

          I just LOVE #5 on the poster….Classic….Hehehehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          February 11, 2014
          1. cjb321

            Yep…that’s a goodie. LOL

            February 11, 2014
            1. dreamshadow59

              I just had to print this once I saw it!!!! I LMAO!!!!

              February 11, 2014
  4. Walkaboutman

    i had a good chuckle and alot is sad but true.

    February 11, 2014
    1. dreamshadow59

      Hehehehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Glad it made you smile….

      February 11, 2014
  5. ppf

    I needed that laugh. I have heard some but not all of those. Thank you I got a room full of brothers, my father and my hubby shaking their heads at them lol

    February 11, 2014
    1. dreamshadow59

      Hehehehehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!! Glad you got a smile out of it!!!

      February 11, 2014
  6. rebecca2013

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! loved them all!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahahhah going to steal them too!!!!! hahahahahahahha

    February 11, 2014
    1. dreamshadow59

      I just couldn’t resist either after reading them….Hehehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!1

      February 11, 2014
      1. rebecca2013

        well they really were funny gracias!

        February 11, 2014
        1. dreamshadow59

          I thought so, that’s why I passed them on…

          February 11, 2014
  7. briton

    In the Garden of Eden Eve asked God why he had given her 3 breasts because the middle one kept getting in the way.He agreed and removed it.
    Later she asked why she didn’t have a mate like the animals.He said he would make a man from a part of her.
    Then he said Now what did I do with that useless tit?

    February 11, 2014
    1. dreamshadow59

      Hehehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!

      February 11, 2014
    2. wirelessguru1

      I thought that your God made the woman from the man and not the other way around!
      But I said, I will make a “briton” with that useless tit! LOL!!!!

      February 11, 2014
      1. dreamshadow59

        Now ….Now…Now….Be nice….

        February 11, 2014
        1. wirelessguru1

          Well, I had to do something with that useless tit! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          February 11, 2014
      2. briton

        Speak of a useless tit and it shall appear

        February 11, 2014
        1. wirelessguru1

          You just did! LOL!!!

          February 11, 2014
          1. briton

            pathetic brainless copycat crap as usual

            February 13, 2014
            1. dreamshadow59

              Yes but FUNNY!!!!

              February 13, 2014
            2. wirelessguru1

              Yes you are pathetic!

              February 13, 2014
            3. briton

              That piece of shit is as funny as cancer.

              June 14, 2014
  8. dincali

    LMAO! cute

    February 11, 2014
    1. dreamshadow59

      Thanks….I thought so….

      February 11, 2014
      1. dincali

        February 11, 2014
        1. dreamshadow59

          February 11, 2014
  9. bythesea

    And God said to Adam, ‘tonight when you sleep I will make the most perfect of partners, I will make you the perfect woman, but to do this I will need to take from you one of your testicles’ and Adams replies.. ‘hold on..what will you give me for a rib?’ and the rest is history

    February 11, 2014
    1. dreamshadow59

      Hehehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!!!

      February 11, 2014
    2. geminigem2

      lol

      February 12, 2014
      1. dreamshadow59

        February 12, 2014
    3. briton

      Have a ball

      February 13, 2014
      1. dreamshadow59

        I MAY have 2 tonight….Hehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!1

        February 13, 2014
        1. briton

          That reminds me of the one about a man who kept offering a prostitute more money to open her legs wider.Finally she snorted
          What the hell are you trying to do,get your balls in? He gasped
          No,I’m trying to get them out!

          April 06, 2014
          1. dreamshadow59

            Hehehehehehe……

            April 07, 2014
        2. briton

          Ah,well.You have to know how extremely sensitive balls are.
          As in the one about the man who sits in the dentist’s chair,grabs the dentist’s balls and says
          Now we’re not going to hurt each other are we?

          April 07, 2014
          1. dreamshadow59

            Hehehehehehe….

            April 07, 2014
  10. cameronredmon

    LOL. Very cute.

    February 11, 2014
    1. dreamshadow59

      I’m really glad you got a kick out of it…

      February 11, 2014
  11. nattii

    LOL so funny xD

    February 11, 2014
    1. dreamshadow59

      Thanks….I’m glad you had a giggle…

      February 11, 2014
  12. wirelessguru1

    Well, I AM intelligent, good looking, wise and smart but definitely not “sensitive”! LOL!!!

    February 11, 2014
    1. dreamshadow59

      Hehehehehehe…I have to give you THAT one….

      February 11, 2014
  13. geminigem2

    Thanks, I liked all the jokes, been feeling serious lately. Need to let my sillies out

    February 12, 2014
    1. dreamshadow59

      Good…I’m glad you got a smile out of it…

      February 12, 2014
  14. seabird33

    I LOVED them all!! I got hiccups from laughing so hard at the sign!!

    February 12, 2014
    1. dreamshadow59

      That was one of MY favorites too. hehehehehe….

      February 12, 2014
      1. seabird33

        I am STILL laughing!! I work with my hubs and am waiting for him to stop by my lil hiding spot so I can show him!! He has a great sense of humor and will laugh as hard as me at them!!

        February 12, 2014
      2. seabird33

        I am STILL laughing!! I work with my hubs and am waiting for him to stop by my lil hiding spot so I can show him!! He has a great sense of humor and will laugh as hard as me at them!!

        February 12, 2014
        1. dreamshadow59

          I always try and give someone a little laughter when I can. I’m so glad you liked them….

          February 12, 2014
  15. proto-gnostic

    Loved them all Sooz… Only have one question, when has your sexual preference ever been no???

    February 12, 2014
    1. dreamshadow59

      Actually…Mine says…Sexual preference—Yippppppppppppppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hehehehehehehe…..

      February 12, 2014
      1. proto-gnostic

        Hahahah Works for me….

        February 12, 2014
  16. Dino01

    Wow, them teasers!

    February 13, 2014
    1. dreamshadow59

      I know right???? Hehehehehehe…..

      February 13, 2014
  17. dreamshadow59

    It was all in fun…!!!

    February 11, 2014
  18. dreamshadow59

    Hehehehehehe………..

    February 11, 2014
  19. dreamshadow59

    They’re just jokes…It doesn’t mean that’s how I feel.

    February 11, 2014