Giggle Time--Jokes for a Week--




 
 
 
 
 
MONDAY
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was
concerned that her daughter was having sex.

Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the
family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very wilful and any
attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then
told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and
until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother
told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to
hug her mother, saying,

'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'
 
 
TUESDAY
A man went to church one day and afterward
he stopped to shake the preacher's hand.
He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a
damned fine sermon. Damned good!'

The preacher said,
'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'

The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five
thousand dollars in the offering plate!'

The preacher said, 'No Shit?'
 
 
WEDNESDAY
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel
appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a
large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'

'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'
 
 
THURSDAY
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from
Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman..

She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her defence.
'Your Honour,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.'
 
 
FRIDAY
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa .
'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realises the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of
all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old
man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said,
'Wedding Cake.'
 
 
SATURDAY
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast.
At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'
Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!'
They are knocked over, but continue to ask.'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'

'I lied about my age', Bob replies.
'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'
Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'
 
 
SUNDAY
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland.
As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through
the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.'
She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?'
A spry old gentleman answered,' They send us on bus tours!
 
 
 
 
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Comments

  1. SugarandSpice

    Too funny!

    June 19, 2013
    1. dreamshadow59

      I’m glad you enjoyed them…..

      June 19, 2013
  2. scarletts_letters

    lol Dating susan lol!

    June 19, 2013
    1. dreamshadow59

      I KNOW right? How funny is THAT???? Hehehehe…

      June 19, 2013
  3. tiggers

    you soooo funny

    June 19, 2013
    1. dreamshadow59

      I just like making people smile….

      June 19, 2013
  4. proto-gnostic

    Loved the first one! And the wedding cake…. my life story!

    June 19, 2013
    1. dreamshadow59

      Glad you enjoyed it….

      June 19, 2013
      1. proto-gnostic

        It was funny, yes I enjoyed it a great deal. A good way to start my day with a smile on my face.

        June 19, 2013
        1. dreamshadow59

          Glad you enjoyed it…..

          June 19, 2013
          1. proto-gnostic

            Very much so. Have a great day Sooz!

            June 19, 2013
            1. dreamshadow59

              You too…..

              June 19, 2013
    2. dreamshadow59

      June 19, 2013
      1. proto-gnostic

        Back atcha Sooz! You have a great day time for me to step out. Save some of that bottle for me I’m going to need it today! Lol

        June 19, 2013
        1. dreamshadow59

          Will do….

          June 19, 2013
          1. proto-gnostic

            June 19, 2013
  5. ohyesindeedbaby

    I loved them!!! Thank you very much Sooz. How are you?

    June 19, 2013
    1. dreamshadow59

      Feeling good….Thank you for asking. How about you?

      June 19, 2013
  6. chr3900

    good one sooz love it..

    June 19, 2013
    1. dreamshadow59

      Glad you enjoyed them….

      June 19, 2013
  7. zilla007

    LMAO, oh darnnnnit I shouldve read this in the morning

    June 19, 2013
    1. dreamshadow59

      Glad you liked it sis….How are you? BTW…I am so happy for you…

      June 19, 2013
      1. zilla007

        I did, just been trying to catch up on mails and stuff….am here, alive, breathing..
        hmm why happy for me?? you know something I dont??

        June 19, 2013
        1. dreamshadow59

          About your business silly….I am here for you if you need me…Marketing and advertising IS my business sis…Muah…

          June 19, 2013
          1. zilla007

            instant smile, thank u, still elated about it. waiting for my meeting with the company. I know it is but I wont use you am not like that, will definitely ask your advise on all the nitty gritty stuff that makes no sense to me though. love u though for being here and for offering
            now how are u my darling sis?

            June 19, 2013
  8. Miss_Lillian

    I feel better now…..LOL

    June 19, 2013
    1. dreamshadow59

      Ohhh Good….I am glad…How did the thing with your neighbor turn out?

      June 19, 2013
  9. cjb321

    Very funny!!! lol

    June 22, 2013
    1. dreamshadow59

      Glad you liked it CJ…..Muah…

      June 22, 2013